Chasing My Heart
by InkedPetal
Summary: Clary Fray is perfectly content being engaged to Simon. But, she soon finds herself unwillingly falling for Jace. Is Clary willing to risk her safe relationship with her fiancée for another, filled with heat, passion, and possibly true love? Is she willing to hurt the ones she love and herself, all for this one man? AU/AH. Rated T.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

**Clary x Jace. AU/AH. Rated T.**

**A/N: New story! Welcome, readers! **

**Disclaimer: All things recognized belong to Cassandra Clare. All things unrecognized belong to InkedPetal. **

_The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. ~ Elie Wiesel. _

They say that there is a fine line between love and hate, and that hate is the opposite of love, but that's false. Indifference is the opposite of love, and nothing is worse than unrequited love.

I don't know exactly when the kisses lost their spark, or if there were any sparks to begin with. I don't know exactly when the "I love you"s lost their meaning and were only uttered when the other said them first. I don't know exactly when I stopped loving Simon Lewis, and sometimes I wonder if I ever loved him at all. It's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth, and we all know that the truth hurts.

Now, I'm curled up on a leather sofa in my living room, trying to figure out how best to break it off with Simon before it's too late. It's nearing two years, and I don't want Simon to get the wrong idea. Do I just flat out tell him? Do I take him to dinner first? Or do I go ahead and cheat on him? No, no, that'll hurt him too much… Ugh, why do people always feel bad for the break-up-ee? The break-up-er has just as much guilt to worry about!

"Honey, are you alright? You haven't said anything in a while," Mom asks me with a concerned tone.

I quickly fix the frown on my face and reassure, "Yeah, everything's fine. No need to worry, Mom." She gives me a weak smile and returns cooking. I take a deep breath. Today I'm turning twenty-one, and I'm not going to let anything stand in my way. Today's my day. Today I can legally drink alcohol and party all night and Isabelle can squeeze me through skin tight tube dresses and Aline can slather makeup on my face. Alright, sooner or later I'm going to have to deal with Simon, but I'm picking later.

Isabelle and Aline are upstairs probably already all makeuped, as they insisted that they needed to "focus on making [me] _the_ most gorgeous and jaw-dropping birthday girl in the club" after dinner, before we headed out to Pandemonium. I just rolled my eyes at that but knowing those two, I let them have it their way.

"Claaarrryy!"

"Joonnnyyy!"

He chuckles and spreads his arms wide, expecting a hug. I stand with my arms crossed, giving him a calculating look, knowing that mischievous grin on my brother's face. Before I know it, he's running over and giving me a noogie. "Jon, stop!" I squeal. "Simon, help, please!" Simon just stands there watching. Lazy bastard.

"What are you doing?!" Isabelle screams. "You're messing up her hair!"

"You're messing up her hair!" Jon squeaks in a horrible imitation of Isabelle. She shoots him a glare and he gives her a sheepish smile.

"If you mess with her _after_ we're done with her, you're getting castrated." she threatens.

"What does castrated mean?" Max asks in his adorable nine-year-old voice while Jon cups his balls for dear life.

Oh Max. I laugh and reply "Nothing you need to know, kiddo," and mess up his hair a bit. He pouts and says indignantly, "I'm not a kiddo!"

"Of course not," Maryse soothes, ever the skillful mother.

"Okay, cake time!" Dad booms, clapping his hands together. As Mom brings in the cake alight with all twenty-one candles, everybody begins to sing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…"

I smile, perfectly content with the happy scene before me. It's a rare thing to get the whole family together, and as much as we would like to pretend otherwise, we aren't all happy with each other. But having them with smiles on their faces and standing all in the same room is the most precious birthday gift I could have, even if it is for a short while.

"Blow out the candles!" Max cries.

"Make a wish!" Aline says.

Once the candles are snuffed, I grab the knife to cut the cake. "No, no, let me do that for you," Simon suggests. I try and raise one eyebrow but failing (damn!), I shrug my shoulders and hand him the blade. I can see the layers of the creamy white cheesecake and raspberry jam oozing out… Heaven…

I quickly dig into my slice, my fork and jaw working furiously. For some reason, Simon keeps glancing at me.

I swallow and lick the jam off the fork before taking another scoop. My teeth hit something hard, and at first I think it to be a bit of frozen cake before I spit it out.

Lying in the center of my outstretched palm sits a big, fat diamond ring.

Horror floods through my body.

**A/N: To readers of **_**Risks and Kisses**_**: Yes, this is a very similar story, but much more developed, and since R&K has only been a couple chapters deep, I've decided to start anew.**

**Please leave your thoughts in a review! I hope you enjoyed this beginning, because there is much more to come :).**

_Next up: One word – Jace. _


	2. Chapter 1: The Best Birthday

**Chapter 1: The Best Birthday**

**A/N: I've updated in less than a week! Aren't you proud? :) I can't say that frequent updates are going to be a usual, because school is starting soon. I'll still try my best though. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All things recognized belong to Cassandra Clare. All things unrecognized belong to InkedPetal. **

**Song Credits:**

**I Love It – Icona Pop**

**I Kissed a Girl – Katy Perry**

**Promiscuous – Nelly Furtado**

_Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~ James C. Dobson, author and psychologist_

My heart is thumping so wildly that I'm sure everybody can hear its beats. Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. I can hear the blood flowing through my eardrums. Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. The room is silent and the eyes are on me.

No way. There is just no way. It was just what, twenty minutes ago that I was considering breaking up with him? And now he's proposing to me? Please God, give me a break. I let out a shuddering breath before I realize that Simon is speaking, crouched on one knee in front of me. I let the words wash over me as I continue to sit in stupefaction.

Marriage. A lifetime commitment. Sure, there are divorces, but those are messy businesses. How can I marry somebody I was just considering to be gone with, forever? And yet…

"…as somebody very wise once said (forgot the name, sorry), 'Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.'"

Simon. My rescuer. The day I met him was the day I was reincarnated into who I am today. Who would I be without him? Would I still be broken and xenophobic as before?

"I am so lucky to have met you, Clary. I sure do hope you feel the same. I was entering GameStop as usual, when I heard a girl crying. And let me tell you, it wasn't one of the normal types of crying. She was sobbing her heart out in the little alleyway, so completely bereft of everything. I still don't know why, but boy am I glad that my feet led me to you, because…"

The corners of my lips turned up at the sad memory. It was a couple days after Sebastian he done it, and I had desperately needed to find some release. I had been bottling my emotions up those days, still in denial, when one sob came after another and I just couldn't stop.

Drops of water hover above my upper lip and I lick them away. They're salty. Tears. They're leaking out of my eyelids now, one at a time.

"I love you, Clary, more than I can even describe. So…Clarissa Adele Fray-Morgenstern, will you marry me?"

Pause.

"Yes."

.*.*.

"Izzy, how many?" I ask while twirling. Ugh, so not a good idea. I'm dizzy and lights are swirling around us in a blur of colors, and I can hear Icona Pop's "I don't care, I love it!" pounding throughout the club.

"Three, you twerp."

I giggle. The song changes and Isabelle gives me a look, and I nod. We step off our bar stools and before I know it, I'm in the middle of the dance floor grinding against Isabelle.

We earn a shitload of catcalls from a small crowd, and the next part I'm definitely blaming on the three shots of tequila I consumed. Isabelle turns me around and when Katy Perry belts out "I kissed a girl…", my mouth is on Isabelle's.

Whistles and catcalls begin anew as we separate, alcohol and the kissing making our faces a bit flushed. In my inebriated state, I look at Isabelle and we start laughing, so hard that my stomach started cramping up.

"Oh man, that was something," I choked out.

"Did you see Simon's face?" Isabelle makes a hilarious rendition, her jaw dropping and neck sticking out. This brings a fresh onslaught of laughter, before I notice a guy literally two inches from Isabelle.

I give Isabelle a pointed look but she's already caught up with her new "friend". He says something to her and she nods, and he takes her away. So much for chicks before dicks.

I continue dancing by myself as the song changes again to one of my favorites. I sense someone dangerously close behind me, grinding their pelvis against my ass. His hands are running up and down the sides of my body, the slippery ruched satin of my black dress aiding him in his task. His hot breath is swathing the back of my neck, sending pleasant shivers down my spine.

"Promiscuous girl, wherever you are, I'm all alone, and it's you that I want." His voice is deep and husky, causing my face to flush slightly.

I turn around and meet tan skin and an evidently muscular figure. "Promiscuous boy, you already know, that I'm all yours, what you waiting for?" I whisper against his ear.

"Promiscuous girl, you teasing me, you know what I want, and I got what you need."

I turn around fully now and slither my hands up and down his arms. "Promiscuous boy, let's get to the point," I murmur so closely to his ear, that my lips were brushing them. I lean back and look him in the eyes. I'm shocked by their color – they're molten gold, their hue like a lion's. I recover quickly and say, "I'm not interested," straying from the Promiscuous lyrics. My lips quirk into a smirk as I lower my eyelids to give a smoldering look before leaving him. He smirks back at me, one corner of his lips turning up to reveal a dimple in his cheek. I almost regretted turning him down, but what's a girl got to do? A soon-to-be married girl.

My lip curls up in self-disgust. I was just flirting and grinding with another man when I just got proposed to today! I groan, wondering how I will ever make this up to Simon and myself, and I head over to the bar.

"Tequila," I demand, managing to scrape a stool to sit on. I down it quickly without the salt and lime, because the quicker I'm drunk, the better it'll be.

I order another, and another, and I don't know how many more I down. I slip off the barstool and the ground is shifting. I hobble in my heels towards the stage and grab the microphone, swaying slightly. Nobody really is paying attention, but when I tap it and it makes a loud screeching noise, everybody is yelling and looking at me.

I smile and wave, saying "Hi everybody, I'm Clary." I'm too drunk to notice the death glares and jeers. I plod on oblivious to everything. "Today is my twenty-first birthday! Woohoo!" I cheer. The death glares fade a bit and the DJ pauses the music. "And I got propro – " I pause. That doesn't sound right, but it's funny-sounding, so I laugh a bit. "Propaused – " No, that's not right either and I frown. "Anyways, Simon Lewis! You're my fi – " I never got to finish because my stomach decided to upchuck its contents right then and there. The sound of vomit splattering on the stage is amplified by the microphone. I'm bent over, stomach acid still burning in my throat. I feel so tired and lifeless, and I see Jon coming over towards me. Good, because now I can go to sleep. The last things I remember before passing out are my brother's arms picking me up and the sounds of a resuming club.

**A/N: I've tried my best to make this chapter longer, as I know you guys all love long chappies :). Just to clear some things up – when Clary says she doesn't love Simon in the prologue, she means **_**romantic**_** love; she still loves him very much, only platonically! The reason why she married him will be cleared up in the next few chapters.**

**Thank you to kmarie139 (special thanks!), Huntress3419, Nemi, shannie83, and KRUSEE for reviewing, and my favorite/alert-ers! It would mean a lot to me if you would…review! **

_Next Up: Nakedness and more Jace ;)._


	3. Chapter 2: Of Nakedness and Phone Calls

**Chapter 2: Of Nakedness and Phone Calls**

**A/N: Just to clear this up, the song "Promiscuous" is playing in the background while Jace and Clary are conversing. When they say the lyrics, they are in time with the song. Enjoy the next chapter! **

**Disclaimer: All things recognized belong to Cassandra Clare. All things unrecognized belong to InkedPetal.**

"_My eyes are usually described as golden…and luminous." ~ Jace, _City of Bones

My head is killing me. Seriously. Every time I move, it's like someone's banging their hammer against my skull. I groan as I close my eyes again, turning around in my bed. I am able to catch another few more minutes of preciously sleep before I'm rudely interrupted.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

"Ahh!" I yell as my head splits open from the pain. I smash the damned alarm clock so hard it falls to the floor. This is when I really wish I had Spiderman's skills and could actually smash the alarm clock broken.

I groan and fall back onto the bed. There is no way in hell I'm falling asleep again. Fuck, I really hate hangovers. I slowly crawl off the bed and track down some Advil.

After the two pills have slid down my throat, I make my way towards the shower. God, I am so glad to be out of the dorms I was forced to live in my freshman year. I can't even bear to imagine how awful it would be to wake up, hungover, to have to walk down two hallways just to take a shower.

I close the door behind me and peel off my sticky dress. It's covered in booze and smells like vomit. Ugh, I don't even want to begin to think about what happened last night. The last thing I remember before things get really hazy is downing a million shots of tequila after dancing with some philanderer. _A very sexy philanderer_, some voice adds. I tell it to shut up as I step into the shower.

The soft droplets instantly soothe my tense muscles and as they run down the length of my body, I can almost feel yesterday washing off of me. God, yesterday was a mess, and to think I was excited for that day! What's so great about legally drinking alcohol and being engaged? I long for auld lang syne when I was a free woman and I could feel sneaky about breaking the law. Now, if I wanted to break the law, I'd have to rob a bank or kill somebody, and I honestly hope that day never comes.

Strawberry aroma fills up the steamy air as I squirt the shampoo. Why the hell did Simon propose last night?

'Cause he loves you, you idiot.

I let out a long sigh. He couldn't love me that much, could he? Enough to spend an eternity with me?

Apparently so.

I love him enough too, right? Enough to spend my whole life?

The mere thought causes my breath to quicken and my heart to race.

But I do love him, I know that. It's just…is he _the one_?

I shake my head, scattering my thoughts away. It's much too early to be thinking, let alone thinking about the various enigmas of life and such.

I slide open the curtain, it making a loud screeching noise, so I don't hear the bathroom door opening.

I step out of the shower, sans any clothing, as I search for my towel. Damn, I must have left it in my room again.

I turn around and almost faint. Why the hell is a guy in my bathroom!? I stand, frozen in mortification, wishing a hole would appear and swallow me up. I feel his eyes raking up and down my body, making me feel even more naked than I already am.

His eyes finally meet mine, and I instantly recognize those golden orbs. We stare at each other for another second before I finally regain my senses and scream.

"AHHHH! Get out, GET OUT!" I scream as I jump back into the shower, slamming the curtain shut. I don't even dare to get out until five minutes after the front door had shut.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! What was I thinking? How come I didn't hear him open the door!? What the fucking hell! He just saw me butt naked! Ungh… I want to die…

I hide my face in my hands. I wallow in self-pity for another minute before I realize that I'm shaking and the shower is actually quite cold.

I rush back towards my room, still naked, and hurriedly dress in a tank and denim shorts. No longer nude, I collapse on my bed. I have never appreciated clothes as much as I do now.

I'm begrudgingly forced to get up when my phone rings, the screen showing that Jocelyn is calling.

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, it's your mother. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going away to Atlantic City, just a business trip, and that I'll be back in a few days."

I purse my lips. Business trip my ass. Same excuse every time. "Sure mom, Luke's gonna be there too, right?" I'm sure she can hear the steel in my voice.

"Yes, but, honey you've got to understand, we're close colleagues – "

My nostrils flare at her blatant denial. "Ha, _real _close."

"Honey, when you're older - "

"Do Valentine and Jon know?"

"Yes, they're on their way back to L.A. right now."

They've wasted no time. "Kay, that it? Bye."

I press the "End" button and sigh. They couldn't stay even one more day. Just pop in on my birthday, stay for five hours, and leave. Just to maintain a pretty little picture of a fucking perfect family. Ha, oh the irony. Meet on holidays, act jolly, call each other Mom, Dad, Jonny, Care-Clare, and the next day they couldn't even give a shit about what happens to each other.

Except Jon. I can't blame him because it's not his fault Valentine has him on a leash tighter than a noose. Transporting him to one meeting after another, visiting one paunchy and pompous CEO after another, corrupting him in the "ways of the world". I worry about him because every time I see him, the more like Valentine he resembles. It scares me, and I hope that he'll be alright, because God knows we don't need another Valentine Morgenstern on this earth.

I grab my sketchpad before I let my tears fall. It's been a truly dratted start to being twenty-one.

.*.*.

"I'm home, honey!" Isabelle yells in a too-sweet voice.

I roll my eyes. "Over here, sweetie!" I shout. I've nearly finished my sketch - it's of an angel with enormous wings erupting from his chiseled figure, stretching towards the sky with the sun shining behind him, causing rays to envelope the angel. I just can't quite place the face, and every time I attempt to draw it out, it just seems _wrong_.

"Who crawled up your ass and died?" Isabelle asks, plopping herself down on my bed.

I unscrunch my frustrated face and groan, relieved I can finally vent. "You will not believe what happened."

She quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Some guy walked in on me naked." I wail, the mortification hitting me again in a fresh wave.

"Ahahahahahahaha, no way! Who? When? How!? Omigod, I cannot _believe _this! Hahahahahaha!" Isabelle is literally rolling around, unsympathetically laughing the mickey out of herself.

"Hey! Not funny! Serious business here, Izzy!" I protest, but I can't help the ends of my lips from twisting upwards. Before I know it, I'm rolling around with her, laughing like a maniac.

"Who was he?" she asks.

I'm stumped. "I don't know, but he's probably Aline's."

"Ya, probably. I didn't see much of her last night."

I groan and put my head between my hands. "Why do things like this always happen to me?" I choke out.

"Because you deserve it," Isabelle shoots back.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have absolutely no drama in your life! God's just trying to spice up your life." Isabelle states.

"Ha, that's the biggest pile of bullshit I've heard in a while," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Whatever, you know it's true," Isabelle replies with a chuckle. "Anyways, how does it feel to be an engaged woman?"

My breath hitches – I had almost forgotten in the midst of everything. "Bad, considering I just got walked in on naked."

Isabelle begins to laugh again, and when she stops, she asks, "No, really. How are you feeling? Me and Aline were pretty shocked you accepted, since you were just about to break up with him."

I sigh. "I know. It's just… It's kind of hard to explain, but I think I really do love him. I mean, even though we don't have those flying sparks that they have in all those romance novels, but he's good for me, you know?"

Isabelle nods and the conversation stops for a while. Suddenly, I remember Isabelle going off with that random dude after I got accosted by goldie. "Hey, who was that guy you were with?"

Isabelle shoots up and her eyes look alert. "What do you mean?"

I giggle at Isabelle's blatant attempt to mask him, and say, "You know what I mean. Who and how was he?"

Isabelle answer was curt. "He's nobody."

I narrow my eyes at her suspiciously, but before I can open my mouth, she changes the topic. "I still can't believe he walked in on you!"

I exhale loudly. Yep, being twenty-one is not so great.

**A/N: The scene I'm talking about is in The Amazing Spiderman with Andrew Garfield 3 – I'm sure there's a vid of it on YouTube, but he just goes bam and sparks fly and it breaks! Really awesome!**

**Thanks to Huntress3419, shannie83, KRUSEE, kmarie139, CrazyCoffeeKat, and dursleyowl3 for reviewing!**

_Next: A Jace POV of this chapter OR Clary meeting Simon the first time after the proposal._

_Your pick! Vote in reviews :)._


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